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Cat in George | Curl Drive, just outside Jones Tower

  • Cat in George | Curl Drive, just outside Jones Tower   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    We continue in silence; as we get close to Jones, Lena says, “Can we go in by one of the other doors? Somehow this is really embarrassing when you’re not doing what everybody thinks you’re doing.”

    “Of course we can. I don’t really need any nudge-nudge, wink-wink either.”

    I let us in and we walk up the stairs to my room. I look at the calligraphy on the door. ‘Maybe even you will find Valimar.’ Yes, even we can reach strange places. What about others? And can we take them back again?

    We go in and I close the door. She looks at me thoughtfully.

    We continue in silence, which was broken only when we neared Jones. “Can we go in by one of the other doors? Somehow this is really embarrassing when you’re not doing what everybody thinks you’re doing.” Lena's face, reddened slightly, looked pleading.

    “Of course we can. I don’t really need any nudge-nudge, wink-wink either.”

    Thankfully, we didn't pass anyone on the way to my room. Unlocking the door, the calligraphy adorning it grabs my attention. ‘Maybe thou shalt find Valimar.’ Maybe, indeed. It certainly is a strange place. And it can't be any stranger than here. Yes, I can reach strange places. What about others? And can we take them back again, even if they're not hobbits?
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    The odd grammar is that "Maybe even you will find Valimar" doesn't flow straight into "Yes, even we reach strange places." Since I'm not heavily into Tolkien's mythology, I don't make connections that those steeped in the lore do. So, there's a logic gap which comes across as odd grammar since I'm sure the two sentences are connected but I don't know how.
  • Cat in George | Curl Drive, just outside Jones Tower   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    Excellent point. Done.
  • Cat in George | Curl Drive, just outside Jones Tower   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    I made the door explicit.

    For the other thing, do you have any suggestions? I don't see a different way of saying it.
  • Cat in George | Curl Drive, just outside Jones Tower   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    I let us in and we walk up the stairs to my room. I look at the calligraphy on the door. Yes, even we can reach strange places. What about others? And can we take them back again?

    I don't remember what the calligraphy says. If you are going to reference it, I think you should spell it out again.

    What are you trying to say, "Even we can reach strange places?" Is CiG referring to "mere humans" who thought there was nothing weird in the world? The oddity is that there is no context for the statement, no foundation. I think I understand where it is coming from but being sure would be nice.

Cat | Jones Tower, 3 P.M.

  • Cat | Jones Tower, 3 P.M.   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    Oopsie. I just noticed what section this comment is under. Cat and George both know, but Kate didn't. So, you're entirely right, I need to have Cat introduce Si.

    Your speaking of is also right -- that was the original plan, but when I got to the scene it seemed more natural to have a smaller crowd, so I guess I need to go back and fix the earlier bit.
  • Cat | Jones Tower, 3 P.M.   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    My thoughts exactly.

    That's why the platform shoes didn't make it into the description
  • Cat | Jones Tower, 3 P.M.   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    Platform shoes? Seriously? They just destroy the look.
  • Cat | Jones Tower, 3 P.M.   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    I think adding in a little bit of detail is fine. "Remember I was meeting Dell?" (If they talked about that, or if not, "Remember your Sex on the Beach student, section transfer so X [I am so bad with names] could date her? Well, I met her this morning.) "Your little sex kitten Si walked by and they knew each other. So I spent the morning with them and Si taught me a few things."

    You haven't spelled out in the convo between George and Cat that Dell and Si are in the same group. You may have mentioned that in an earlier chapter but it's been long enough now that I've forgotten if the connection was made. So, this could create the foundation that Dell is part of something bigger since George knows Aelric is Si's guardian and know he finds out Dell and Si are well antiquated with each other. Or it can at least help generate a sense of a larger community.

    Speaking of, wasn't Dell supposed to introduce Cat to more of her friends? Or was Dell referring to just Si during the invitation? I had the feeling that Cat was going to get introduced to a group of people, not just one more person.

George in Cat | In the car

  • George in Cat | In the car   2 years 3 months ago
     
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    I thought Gobblines was a goblin title or something to do with goblins or Gobb-lines, whatever those are. Seeing gobble as the root helps.

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